What Has COVID-19 Taught Me?

As I sit here, thinking about what this season of COVID-19 quarantine has taught me, I’ll be honest: I have a lot of thoughts, but being the complicated, justice driven woman I am, I have found myself reaching deep to find what, if anything, I have let this weird, new, complicated time in our world teach me. I want to fix it, understand it and get on with life… but that simply can’t happen, or at least not the way life used to be.

It seems appropriate that I am writing this today, as it was 17 years ago this week that I traveled to China—in the middle of SARS—to complete the adoption of Stevey Joy Ru Chapman. The Chinese government was preparing to close international adoptions because of this new, weird illness. And so, with paperwork in hand, I felt like there was no time like the present to pack in THREE hours and board a flight to China. (As you can probably tell, I’ll walk straight into harm’s way if one of my chicks is not in the nest.) Along with another close friend who was also adopting, away we went to bring home our daughters. Nothing else mattered. No germs, no danger, no thoughts as to how it would all play out.

And now, here we are—some 17 years later—in the middle of a global pandemic. I never thought, in my lifetime, I would say that word, much less experience it, and then try to explain it.  We are facing a respiratory illness for which there is currently no cure. So, with that, what have I learned? What have I pondered? What have I observed? A lot… and with a lot of jumbled thoughts I might add.

On one hand, I have loved being “safer at home” with my family. We have been together, and being together, when you’re a Chapman, is about the best thing ever. It has only been Steven, Shaoey, Stevey Joy, and myself, as we have been with the grands very seldom, doing the proverbial drive-by to wave to tell them how much we love and miss them. We have celebrated two birthdays while being quarantined, distancing and singing away to our sweet Della standing far away from us, and then, driving by our brave Noble and waving at an ever so safe distance and screaming happy birthday to him. The four of us being together in this forced way has been a constant reminder of why we all cannot be together—an invisible monster, if you will—and it saddens me and maddens me. And so, while my tank has been pretty full with some of my people, the sadness does hit me as I haven’t touched or hugged my grands for many days because of something I simply don’t understand.

I’ve also been reminded that there are many who are brave among us. The greatest part of humanity has come together to make this pandemic less, reminding me that good things do emerge when it is dark. The best of people show up in so many ways. People helping people, and working together to make the unknown feel more bearable.  

This pandemic has also, unfortunately, reminded me that “mean” people are, well, still being mean. Social media is an outlet for unkind individuals who, by all means seem to know what is best for our country and world. How they know is absolutely amazing to me. Yet there are opinions—man’s uneducated opinions—that get thrown into the conversation, and then, the “ugly” comes out despite the fact that we have no idea the stress it must be to make decisions on so many levels in this unprecedented time.  So many have united and put aside differences. We all have our opinions, but to assume we know better is arrogance at its best. To be honest, I have been right at the top of the guilty pile with my own thoughts and opinions rattling around in my heart and head—but who am I to think I can even begin to understand the complexities of what our world is facing?

This is a world event with no roadmap, and to talk like we know more, we know better is absurd. Instead of spewing hate, we should be loving our enemies rather than voicing our “I know better than you” attitudes. My prayer? To believe we can see the best in everyone, to lay down our opinions, and to pick up the mantle of togetherness. Because together is the only way we will get through this.

I have also been convicted of trusting in the wrong things. I’ve fretted about the future more this past two months than ever. Music and touring changed overnight, which affects Steven obviously. What does this new normal look like? When will it be OK? What do we do to continue answering God’s call on our lives? While we’re in a season in life when I look forward to Steven being home more, I have realized that instead of worrying about tomorrow, I have, in fact, been worrying a lot about tomorrow.

Jesus tells us not to worry… that He SEEs us. His character is kind and good toward us. When we trust the very essence of His character, we can trust that even a pandemic is under His authority. All things are working together for good—not even a sparrow can fall to the ground without Him knowing. How much more then does he know and care about us? Jesus alone is to be trusted, not the things that have brought me security in this life. Trust me, I’m “preaching to the choir” as I am essentially writing this for me as much as you.

So to the original question, what has COVID-19 taught me? I can sum it up with these verses that I have found to be comforting.

“What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows” (Matthew 10:29-31, NLT).

God is good; His very nature is good and loving toward us. No matter the jumbled thoughts, no matter the unbelief in my own heart, I will trust the One who knows my name and has them written on the palms of His hands.

I believe… help my unbelief.